When You’re so Broke You Don’t Need Fixing…

Only Time to Heal

Cruel
Yes
Cold
Yes
Heartless
Yes
Love in your soul won’t die
Yes
Broken
Yes

Skies
Blue painted wonders
Trees
Hard-barked longevity
Grass
Unkempt as your hair
Heart
Dark. Drenched in sadness
Broken
Until the day you die

You
So valuable. So kind. So loving
You
So intelligent. So giving. So devoted
You
So full of laughter. So much fun. So spontaneous.
You
Deserve so much better than what you got
You
Will never forget the betrayal

Fix
Nothing but your choices
Fix
Nothing but your attitude
Fix
Nothing but the smile you lost
Fix
Upon something better.
Fix
Upon your next step out of pain

You’ll know
Won’t you?
You’ll know
When your mirror becomes clear of the mist of lies
You’ll know
When your breath once again refreshes
You know
There’s nothing to fix
You know
There’s only the time to heal

When you’re so broke you don’t need fixing
When you’re so blind in pain you simply don’t care
When the scar will last forever
There is no fixing

Yes
Only time to heal

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Tomorrow Will Have to Wait

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During the course of our lives, we often place our future in someone else’s hands. Too often we do this from a position of fear. We cannot face the spectacle and specter of death in all its various forms and machinations. We operate from fear and react from fear and live in fear without recognition of fear.

Countless hordes of living beings have trod these paths before and with us. A gagglezillion souls and counting. There’s enormous pressure for those who continue forging their path despite others who share time and breath in this existence. They fight you because they see better, know better, observe better. This is bullshit. You need fortitude.

Their reality, their rules. Your reality requires a trust to keep moving together. Your own personal trust in yourself should be paramount. When all is said and done, you and you alone, own the life path you walk. No other human experiences your life, your love, your passion, your pain, exactly as you.

This becomes problematic in a relationship. Either they trust you and you trust them or all is lost. For what defines a relationship anyway but the ability for two to walk together despite opposing views of the path?

The moments, the vignettes, the joys, the peace, the love, the happiness, the visions in your heart desire companionship. But…when building your legacy of life…its built today, this hour, this minute, this nanosecond, this thought, this feeling, this fear, this decision.

Delay only costs you building material. You may forge wealth, financial security and all the trappings of our modern shallow lives, but when all comes to fruition, will you have traded your life for things or will you purchase larger and higher goals of the intangibles – love, hope, joy, companionship, peace.

The price will always be your time. Your return on investment will always reflect where you place your day, hour, minute, nanosecond, thought, feeling, fear, decision. This is where the best of advice one may ever receive becomes…

Tomorrow Will Have to Wait…

This day comes courtesy of breath
Strength
Willpower
Love
Passion
Determination
Stubbornness
Reconnection

A reason to breathe
From ashes of destruction
From failing heart
From flagging hope

A summoning of strength
From the shell
From the depth
From the Unknown

A marshaling of willpower
From tattered energy
From piecemeal shards of hope
From self-recognition

An ability to love without reservation
From pain
From betrayal
From all that is good within

A passion for life and legacy
From false accusation
From self-reflection
From abundant emotion

A determination to forge a path
From the inner wilderness
From the flaw of expectations
From experience

A stubbornness to hold and adjust course
From mistakes and misrepresentations
From belief in oneself
From abhorrence of apathy

A reconnection of the vital heart
From a wellspring of love
From the inner tainted knight
From all that is good and right within

Rebuild, not from scratch
But from belief in oneself
From knowledge
From kindness in the face of destructive hearts

Build today this dream
A dream of a life path well forged
Despite setbacks
Betrayals
Crushing pain

Build this day the castle of your life
Build it with minutes and seconds and nanoseconds
Not from touchable, material trappings
Build with your moments
Each vignette played out
Each interaction
Each smile
Each touch
Each kiss
Each decision

Build this very instant
This now
This cognitive thought…

Tomorrow will have to wait…

New Fiction by Michael Ray King

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The Continuing Adventures of …

There come times in our lives when we need to be saved from ourselves. These times tend to be rare when thought about in terms of actual minutes and seconds. Our overall body of work remains forever comprised of working off of the decisions we make in life.

Our legacies, our reputations, our character, all get defined by the hours, days, weeks, months and years we spend working toward something. Most of the time, we don’t have a rat’s chance in hell of even knowing what we work toward.

We place labels and stories and mystique around our journeys in life but in the end, its all a crapshoot. We target something, too often anything, and we run our various flags up the pole touting what we stand for.

When we believe we know, that’s when we’re most vulnerable. When we believe we know, that’s when we make our most major mistakes. When we believe with every fiber of our soul we stand in the limelight of trouble and destruction. Like when I knew I loved her so deeply nothing could ruin my world.

Except her leaving…

Our Own Brand of Crazy

Our Own Brand of Crazy…Just Sayin’

Each of us possess our own brand of crazy. That inner insanity which causes us to whack out. We don’t know why. We don’t know how. We like to think we control this phenomenon but when the beast raises its head, we give over to the absurd.

Absurd only in that we don’t understand ourselves and why we’re driven to this internal place where we feel out of control. Some of us find a lot of success in hiding it or denying it or no acknowledging the intruder even exists. The toughest times we ever seem to go through spring from this stranger exerting his/her influence over our decision making.

Billy Joel wrote about the Stranger. He related the Stranger to relationships, which appears as the breeding ground most of us experience. The Stranger pops up in so many areas of our lives though. Work. Education. Self-esteem. Self-confidence. Self-awareness.

I know this writing comes across quite abstract but isn’t that the nature of the Stranger? When we make up our mind to deal with the Stranger, invariably we do not exert much control. In fact, we give over most often to the Stranger out of fear. We know something is “wrong” with us. We just want whatever it is to go away.

We steel ourselves to decisions which steer us from facing some of the cold, deep truths within us. Only the bravest give battle and dig and delve into what can only be defined as our own brand of crazy. This place within us does not acknowledge reason and logic unless these things serve its manic purposes.

Ultimately, we make decisions based on insanity. This isn’t just you and me. This is everyone. The entire human race. The flavors of each of our Strangers has been written and sung throughout the history of man. As a collective unit, mankind stands as one great psycho-lab. Look at what is going on around us. Do you think you’re immune?

Since we suppress our inner Stranger most of the time, our most effective weapon is denial. Denial the Stranger exists within us and then denial that the Stranger can exist as quite the self-destructive, malevolent entity. We will make drastic, life-changing decisions based on something we cannot fully explore.

Too bad. There’s loads of discovery on the trek to exploration. Funny how we are all on this journey of life and coming up with all kinds of answers. Most work to externalize and blame or give credit to outside experiences. Some dive inward into many forms of spiritualism. We all truly cannot define nor tie down the key, root truth as to who this Stranger is and what motivates the Stranger.

Our own brand of crazy. Many go mad, at least mad as most of us define madness. They do things which cause us to internally jump back in alarm. We see the manifestation of others’ dealings with the Stranger. Most often, we react in horror and a million other emotions when faced with another human being falling prey to their own resident loon.

There’s quite a number of us who spar often with our Stranger. We’re typically labeled “creative artists.” We do not deaden ourselves to our inner crazy, we actually explore pieces, snippets, and dark voices. We walk the moors of our internal chaos, observing, capturing, and placing the results into the world for everyone to see.

None of us grasp the whole. The entire morass. If we did (or possibly do) we go mad. In our modern world, we’ve developed more ways to avoid our own brand of crazy than at any time in history. All our gadgets and whizbangs and glitter and noise only serve to distance each of us from our truths.

Unfortunately, this type of suppression and denial only leads to pressure-cooker conditions which then lead to bizarre decisions based on feelings and motivations we cannot fathom. We give over to stupidity or folly, even in the face of knowing we’d be better off taking the course of challenge and growth.

Did you ever wonder why “control” is so important to humans? Could it be that we’re frustrated because we cannot control our own brand of crazy? Please don’t look for answers here, at least over-arching, life-figuring-out answers. But do consider this: maybe, just maybe, when your inner crazy, Stranger, brand-of-crazy-persona takes over your life, remember you may choose defiance. You may choose a level of control.

This calls for making decisions counter to an emotional, ruthless tsunami which threatens to engulf everything you are if you don’t flee. Maybe, just maybe, standing your ground and making your own decision to pursue a different path from the one on which you’re being swept away is the best course of action.

In the end of life, we’re defined by our ability to maneuver through our own brand of crazy. We each have it. Each of our brands of crazy is different. We can be similar but in the end, we each are unique. This is both the crown and the curse of life.

Thus I acknowledge this day, a partial glimpse of my own brand of crazy. Adjusting to another’s brand of crazy determines our relationship with them. Like Billy Joel said, one day that Stranger will kick you right between the eyes. I say its more than a “one-day” kick, it’s lifelong.

Fight for your best choices in the moments dealing with your personal brand of crazy. Don’t base these decisions on anyone outside of you. Their Stranger will kick you right between the eyes for sure. You will either be brave when faced with what many call our “internal demons,” or you’ll do what humans do most of the time – you’ll duel with the Stranger in a defeatist manner.

You’ll even acknowledge the happiest days of your life and walk away from them, simply because you cannot understand your personal demon. The daring choice is to fight. When faced with walking away from the happiest days of your life because your own brand of crazy is on the fritz, muster your courage and go for happiness. Ultimately, this would be why happiness is a choice – one we far too often ignore.

Lol! My own brand of crazy this morning? I got an email at 4:44 with the title line, “Go Write.” Accessing crazy for the moment complete…

 

Tattooed Heart

Tattooed Heart

Smoke and dust and ash and debris and sorrow and pain and anger

Residue throughout the heart
Clean-up an act unfathomable
Existence a stretch
Hope a mocking concept

Dim light which flickers cluttered, hollowed halls
Reveal poison ink soaking the soul
Portrait etched deep into eternity’s grasp
Undying love with nowhere to go

There, perched in resplendent Princess glory
Mocking life and its labored breath
Never to fade into time’s forgetfulness
Forever carved, forever bleeding, forever loved

Every moment, memories flood
Every moment, anguish, the loss
Every moment, a torture to breathe
Every moment, acid tears fail to wash away the stamp

No recovery from wounds so deep
No recovery on any horizon
Simply endless love left engraved
Stranded. Encased. Nowhere to go…

 

A Reason to Breathe

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A Reason to Breathe

The Look
The Laugh
The Smile
The Wit
The Aura
The Style
The Walk
The Kiss
The Hands
The hands which supposedly meant something – together

The Lie
The self-deception
The pattern before two sets of averted eyes
Neither acknowledging history repeats itself

Averted because the love was real
Until the pattern returned and slowly engulfed
The pattern which only one pair of eyes examines
While the other moves on to the next dead end matrix

A reason to breathe
Always wiser to come from within
To root from within
To blossom from within
To soar from within

Maelstrom wreckage
Deep inside mangled debris
Observations of the sources of missile launches
Aimed and detonated from trumped up lies parading as reality
All to support the pattern
A wan smile, painful in its truth
Debilitating in its sadness
Creeps a slow path to a long recovery
Turns the anguish aside with knowledge
The truth that when calculations become the determination of love
The reciprocity once believed existed
Flutters as silent ashes to smoldering scorched-earth soul landscapes

In that smile of recognition
In that glimpse of truth
A smile not of joy, not of derision, not of vengeance, possibly more of sadness
Births life.

A reason to breathe
Born from recognition of strength from previous ashes
A smile born of joy and exhileration
Born of revitalizing life-support
Carried to higher health by artificial means
Fantasies that the support was everything
That the support gave life
Only to learn the evocative truth – it only served as transition

A giclée representing a soaring work of art
False in its representation
True in is mimic of truth
A beautiful adornment
Only but a ghost of the truth of its conception

When the support gets turned off
It’s revealed in all its cold splendor
It’s false hope
It’s valued service
It’s innate inability to truly feel
To truly accept love
Most important its lack of ability to invest itself in love
Its existence dependent upon money and maintenance

A reason to breathe jerks reality into existence
Detonates all one believed as truth
Opens up a world of invigoration
A world of pain
A world of heartbreak
A world of dashed dreams
Yet a world of magnificent future
Magnificent opportunity
Magnificent vibrancy
All unknown while unconscious
Even though the dreams felt real

A reason to breathe always stems from discovering a will to live

The wan smile?

Let the search begin – from within – reason enough for now

 

My Abuser

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My Abuser

I fought my demons every day
Negative self-image she’d always say
In words and deeds, emotionally splayed
But now I stand and face my abuser

My strengths they grow by leaps and bounds
Each time I put antagonism down
I walk away from the evil sound
I distance myself from my abuser

The taunts and trials of warped mentality
The hateful skew of her reality
The attempts at my emotional fatality
All fade as I escape my abuser

For until I saw her ugly head
I’d left my soul for gone and dead
I’d live each day in mortal dread
Of my abuser

Clarity forms and happiness grows
My love may flourish in cultivated rows
Within my heart which truly knows
I need fear not my abuser

She’s nothing now but a sad sick being
Who in her sickness, she’s short of seeing,
How many lovely lives she’s bleeding
By simply existing as an abuser

My path begins where now I choose
I know aspiration will never lose
As long as I embrace my truths
And release the pains from my abuser

As the sun comes up I love the day
As nighttime falls I dance and sway
Joy abounds in my life in each new way
Now that I know the sickness of my abuser

I acknowledge no more her stranglehold
I’ll live my life and truth be told
I stand this day, say proudly bold
She exists no longer as my abuser

Days become soft and gentle again
I see myself a stronger man
I claim my place in love’s strong hand
The fetters dissolve…and I smile…again

Questions

Did I love you well this day?
Could my words find better paths?
When you think of me do you smile?
Did I love you well this day?

Did I hear you well this day?
Could my ears engulf the beating of your heart?
When I listen do you smile?
Did I hear you well this day?

Did I touch you well this day?
Could my kiss land more love?
When we cuddle do you smile?
Did I touch you well today?

May I love you well in this life?
May we walk our journey together?
May we think of one another fondly?
May we know our hearts as one?
May we listen to each other’s smile?
May we kiss eternity into existence?
May we clasp ourselves together?
May our lives stroll into a singular sunset?
May we discover our peace together?
May we know our ultimate question?

Did I love you well this day?

One Day…

One Day

A young boy dreams of being a hero
The one absent in his youth
The one rampant in books, on screens,
Running wild throughout imaginations

So he dedicates his life to goodness
To love
To nurture, compassion, dedication
But he’s never good enough for her

He becomes irrelevant
The story plays the same
Heroes fail
Tattered dreams litter a life worth sharing

A young boy lives in the man
Ever anxious to conquer apathy
Disbelief, underappreciation,
While weariness collects in his bones

Dreams of being loved crumble
Sculpted castles in the sands of time
He cannot be the next shiny thing every day
Tears bleed his soul, silent searing salt trails dig at aging cheeks

As time washes him away, he yet dreams of being a hero
The one present in this life
The one who loved true and well
That he may rest one day in the legacy of a life well lived

For he owns a love worth sharing…