When we come under attack in our lives and desperately need love and support, the lift given out of the heart helps more than anything else this life has to offer.
Often, as in my case, we strive to make positive changes in our lives only to suffer unbelievable backlash and criticism. I have been thoroughly shocked by the attacks I’ve endured.
Pretty much every observation my mother makes about where I stand is spot on. I choose not to defend myself anymore as my belief is those who know me will know better than to believe insinuation and judgments made about me outside my character.
I’m no saint. I struggle with many aspects in life. Anyone who “feels” me in the writing here knows I own deep struggles. But I’m not alone in this world. Others walk shoes much more damaged than mine.
The point I wish to make is for those of you who suffer the painful slings and arrows of callous, self-serving minds, please know you are not alone. Find those who will love you and lift you up. The detractors suffer in their own little worlds and have little pleasure without someone else being in pain.
My writing on this site has been derided by a church calling me a “self-masturbating poet” and me “wasting away in my own tawdry version of Margaritaville.” (I don’t drink by the way). Another of the accusations is that “your words reveal you.” I certainly hope so!!! Also I’m lambasted for being “a self-absorbed, angry, bitter man…” who needs to repent, basically for what I’m writing. I call the attack “sick.”
That’s not even the emotionally extreme crap I deal with on a personal level – nearly daily. To receive a letter like this from my mother lends me insight into the strength and wisdom I aspire to attain in my life.
There does arrive a day when a man (or woman) MUST say, “ENOUGH!” or else allow others to force your life into their mold. Doing so requires a lot of strength and support. Find your support. Allow the truly loving people in your life to lift your spirit.
In one of my classes, I was charged with the challenge of writing a letter to an individual — telling that person what was in my heart for them. I had pretty much decided on my friend, Mary Alice, but the words just wouldn’t come. I finally figured out that my thoughts and feelings weren’t to be for her – but for you.
You, my son, are one of the kindest, most caring/loving persons I have ever known. You are intelligent, diligent, trustworthy, and honest (sometimes to a fault). You have the ability to dream dreams and make them come true. You have the capacity for skyrocketing success. You also have the vulnerability of all humans – that of a self-doubt, self-deprecation, which often coincides with an overwhelming sense of failure. I know this is the hardest emotional place to be because it leads to self-recrimination which robs you of all your hopes, faith, and dreams. It plunges you into the depths of despair. It leaves you vulnerable to the aspects of hurt and evil to be found in this world. Sometimes the battle blinds an individual of all sense of self-worth – and thus begins the downward spiral – a free fall that seems endless, bottomless, ever onward.
But this is not who you are, Michael – even your name describes your strength.
You have the wisdom, intelligence strength, and ability to withstand the forthcoming events. You know this as well as I do. I know you have the fortitude to reclaim your life. I also am aware that your life situation has blinded you to this fact. I promise you, my son, that you have all the strength, character, and ability to conquer this situation. Right now it is difficult for you to realize your strength. Don’t be blinded by the bitter, caustic atmosphere that surrounds you.
You ARE strong! You ARE intelligent! You DO HAVE the ability to overcome the vile situations that surround you. BUT, you have to realize this for yourself. Dig down deep, my son, and lay claim to the remarkable person you are. Choose to recognize these terrific qualities that make you who you are – and use them as an example for your children.
This note is simply a reminder that your family and your many friends are aligned to bolster you throughout whichever path you choose.
I love you,
The Day I Cry
Words bypass my brain
Land soft in my heart
Feathers strong as steel
Gird my soul for coming storms
No toxic material known to man
Able to sieve the white gossamer smoke of love
Which manifests strength beyond comprehension.
Pieces of a life well spent
Written in words so kind that
Each time I read them brings forth
The day I cry