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My Momma’s House

Familiar creaks in the ancient floor
Once a bane to childhood creeping
Teenager sneaking
Now a quaint and mournful sigh

Wood and concrete mixed for strength
She built the ultimate stability through perseverance
Tears and loss
Now unable to hold her dreams real

Memories born, attached to our births
Ghosts of good and bad play hide and seek with our tears
Formative philosophies born and raised here
They march into yesterday’s realm inexorable. Relentless.

My momma’s house pours over my soul
The single most important artifact of a life
The stalwart line in the sand against the tsunami of time
Falls into memory itself with pain, regret, helplessness, sadness

My momma’s house a lifeblood gift generations ago
A rock on which to build
To send lives out into the world to thrive in their own ways
A marker bobbing in the sea of life which ends with these same lives

Legacy builds through action
My momma’s breath runs deep, embedded in the silent walls
Sixty-four years here, the bulk spent in oneness alone
While the rest of us bustled about in our Don Quixote pursuits to construct our lives

My momma’s house, make no mistake
Anchored to her heart, tied to our souls
She cannot stay, she cannot stay
Peril in the fall of the house of mother

Profound loss screams silent tears down sullen cheeks
No recourse allowed
No alternative day-saving
No cavalry to ride to our rescue like in the books and movies we once enjoyed here

My momma’s house is my house.
My momma’s house is all my sisters’ house
My momma’s house is my father’s house
Again, my momma’s house is hers, her tie to life, her fortress against time

My momma’s house silently accuses
Yet my momma’s house silently accepts and encourages
My momma’s house thinks no thoughts, owns no convictions
Save the ones coursing my brain and heart and deepest essence in long ago learned lessons

My momma’s house bore our imperfections well
My tears in this very room uncountable
My security within its walls never doubted
Until now as I say goodbye to a home well constructed

Yes, my momma’s house owes its strength to the concept of home
Persevered through a lifetime of struggle
Only a house in timber, always a home
Always a foundation built on the backs of we who shared her adamant embrace of this place

My momma’s home strikes its blow deep
Goodbye not something to take lightly
More to cower from and lend flight to feet aching to flee reality
Yet my momma’s home stands on the foundation of understanding and love

Forgiveness for what must be done does not arrive questioned from my momma’s home
Only from the tired, grief-stricken hearts who must gently explode the atomic bomb
The mushroom cloud of goodbye cannot be mended
Only cherished as something few get to experience

My momma’s home is a testament to quiet strength
To love and caring and softness and self determination
To everything and more a child could ever aspire to
To a life well-lived and a heart well-loved

My momma’s house should never fall
Yet time, decay of mind and will
Devastating truths of this existence
Win the battle whose outcome for all of us lies never in question

My momma’s home cradles my loves and hates
My achievements and failures
Myself and my children
My life and my death
For all were born here
All sprouted from this castle forged from her tenacious endeavor
To build a haven for love, life,
A refuge from reality, a reality from fantasy
A fantasy from effort, an effort which completed a legacy

My momma’s home owns forever the floor creaks
Forever the cries, yelling, tears, heart-numbing sadnesses
Along with our triumphs, our victories, our life credentials
And no relinquishment of this brick and mortar can ever steal this away

For despite how the loss of this house feels deep in my bones
This mighty hotbed of lives well played does not reside at an address
This physical thing which destroys my eyes and ears and nose and tongue and fingers by its loss
Never truly owned a single viable emotional existence that did not owe its mere contemplation to anything or anyone other than my most honorable, loving, kind, gentle, silent-strong mother

My momma’s home may not be attributed to the rest of us
We stand as mere contributors to her dream and her will
We should applaud her efforts
We should applaud our contributions
We should understand she built this home despite us
Ultimately and deserving of every tear we could possibly shed
My momma built this home for us as much as for herself
For this home resides in her heart and we all were one day born of that heart
And one day we will mourn that heart
Hopefully we celebrate that heart
Hopefully, in some manner, in some way even paled, we spread that heart to others.

No amount of pain can describe saying goodbye to this house
Yet the home still resides within her
When she’s gone, the home still resides in us
When we’re gone, the home still resides in those we touched through her legacy

May that ripple travel eternity…