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“No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader…” ~ Robert Frost

For all those caring for loved ones ravaged by Alzheimer’s, I’m certain some will understand what follows…

Weight of the World

I could lift the weight of the world
Sling the fearsome beast over my shoulder
Strain against trials and tribulations
Absorb all the torment this life can dish…

If only it would leave her be

I lie the tiny lies
The ones she warned me about
The ones I told young and filtered out of my life as I grew
The ones which now desecrate all her teachings

If only I could forgive myself

I run from her when I should do the opposite
Fear of contagion and loss and helplessness
Fear of everything I cannot control
Fears she would not have me bear

If only it would leave her be

I cry the dry tears of toughness
Brave face to bear the unbearable
Brave heart broken by circumstance
Bravado the mask of weakness and desperation

If only I could have her back

I could bear the weight of the world
If this were not my mother
My right from wrong
My joy in striving
My definition of responsibility
My path I’ve strolled all these years
My connection to goodness in the face of evil

If only I could find myself in all the mess which surrounds my soul

I could toss the weight of the world aside like a plaything
But all that I am fades before my eyes
But the loving heart remembers less and less each moment
But the day approaches when I no longer own the now cherished albatross of Golden Child

Cruelty to witness the disintegration of a mind
A heart
A lifetime
Crumbled into the sands of time like some useless thought
My child-castle on the shore overrun by indifferent waves of memory destruction
And I could bear the weight of the world if this would only leave her be

For that incalculable measure would become feather-light
At the release of what I carry
If only it would leave her be and
Deliver my sweet mother back to me…