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Your Absence I Fill With Me

Your absence I fill with me
No hand to hold, no smile to share
All that’s left is my fading smile
The one I wheel out in my more lucid moments

Your absence lives throughout my life
Missing link to my character flaws
You know, those things which define me as a person
The hiccups which need love and understanding

The hole in my soul you could never fill
I do not want you to try
Yet, your presence would allow me to explore why this exists
We could discover each other’s unfulfilled dreams

Just the hope
A sliver this may be
Spark of something, someone
I could fill your absence with me

MY footsteps pad barefoot through the corridors
My feelings know this section well
I placed others here wishing they would thrive and occupy the space
I know now, only I may truly fill it

But could you truly exist?
Do you desire to take residence in a mansion of kindness?
Love?
My hollowness shares emptiness and vitality

Do you walk this earth?
I’ve searched. I’ve worked hard to give you life
You’re not here and I question why.
I relax in the thought that you may only thrive as I thrive

Your absence I fill with me
Hope fueled by the dust in this place in my heart
Residence open. Willing. Wary.
A new look. An new perspective. The same immense ability to love.

Morphing the me into we
This must be natural. This must be true
Time cruelly robs this life of completion
But that does not mean we give up.

We could fill our hearts together
Hand in imaginary hand we could build
Not things and houses and toys and distractions
But bonding, love, nurture, peace, smiles, laughter, joy.

As I finish cleaning out my heart
It’s this room in which I stagger, I hesitate, I caress the emptiness
For this immense space reveals my capacity to love
You could never fill it. I would never wish that upon anyone again…

For that is my beautiful task which I regard as a high calling.

Where are you…